Eight Things To Do When You Are Feeling Disconnected

Eight Things To Do When You Are Feeling Disconnected

A huge issue that is brought to my attention by so many is that they just don’t feel connected anymore.

Being in a relationship and feeling disconnected can be miserable.   You may feel that you would rather be alone than the emptiness you feel in disconnected relationship

After all, one of the benefits of being in a relationship is to be connected with someone. When  you’re not, you want to know what to do to fix it fast.

Here are eight things that will help you do just that:

  1. Make an effort to increase the friendship.  Increasing the friendship can be as easy as learning more about your partner.   Make a list of things that you don’t know about your partner and then ask your partner.  It can be simple things such as what is there favorite color to more complicated things such as what was their most embarrassing moment.
  2. Plan fun activities together.   Having fun together is especially important to men and this is when they really feel connection with their partners.  Just be careful to avoid competitive activities, as they can lead to negative feelings.  Instead, get creative about how to spend more quality time together.  Maybe even plan a couples retreat for the two of you.   (See my video “How to Have Fun Together” here).
  3. Talk about your feelings. Talking about your feelings is important to your emotional health and causes immediate shifts to occur for the better.  It can also be a slippery slope if you express them in a hurtful way.  Be careful not to attack your partner in the process.
  4. Notice anything your partner is doing right.  We tend to see only what we focus on.  Focus on the positives of your partner and THEN make an effort to tell them that you notice.  
  5. Solve problems. When we are feeling disconnected we often avoid  looking at the problems in the relationship.  Start with the small problems and think of creative ways to solve them.
  6. Own your own actions and perceptions. Don’t disconnect because someone else is.  Assuming we know what is going on for our partner will cause us to react in ways that are increasing the disconnection.   They could be disconnecting for reasons that have nothing to do with you, but stress they are feeling outside the relationship.  
  7. Set aside a time to talk about your day EVERY day.  This is your time to listen to your partner wth curiosity and build them up and for them to do the same for you.  Let your partner vent about their boss, their family or the guy in traffic and always take your partner’s side.
  8. Turn toward your partner in difficult times.  When we are feeling disconnected, your partner may not always be the first person you turn to when life is challenging.   Try to make this one shift and give them the opportunity to be there for you, to be your hero or make the effort to be their hero when you can see they are in need or stressed.

While each of these can be helpful , not every single one may pertain to you at any given moment. Choose what an appropriate fit is for you and implement. Even implementing one of these may prove to have you connecting once again!