Do’s and Don’ts of Relationship Coaching

1. Relationship Coaching is not consulting or therapy.
   Coaching empowers by assuming our clients are the experts, fully capable of achieving their goals, and focuses on supporting them into action. Consulting typically provides advice and solutions, while therapy typically focuses on insight and emotional issues. Because these approaches are so different, the coach should be clear about these distinctions, educate clients about them, and make conscious choices about the nature of the coaching relationship that are in the best interests of our clients.
2. A Relationship Coach helps the client focus on the bigger picture.
   Relationship coaching is not effective when isolating our clients’ relationship goals from the rest of their life, such as work, family, friends, wellness, spirituality, etc.
3. A Relationship Coach shares relationship knowledge, experience, and information without attachment.
   Sharing expertise with our clients as a coach is very different from any other helping relationship. It is necessary to address our clients’ relationship skills and knowledge deficits, however we do so in a way that supports them to discover and own their truth.
4. A Relationship Coach assumes a relationship is part of the journey, not the destination.
   We support our clients to focus on meaning, connection, and long-term goals, in addition to helping them find a partner or improve their existing relationships.
5. A Relationship Coach assumes that the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.
   Our relationships are our mirrors. The Law Of Attraction dictates that what is inside shows up on the outside. We help our clients take responsibility for their relationship outcomes and be the partner they want to have.
6. A Relationship Coach does not judge a relationship as right or wrong, good or bad.
   As stated above, we assume our clients are the expert and honor their truth and agenda. While we have judgments, we do not impose them on our clients. We lead our clients through a process of discovery in which they are empowered to make the relationship choices that are right for them.
7. A Relationship Coach does not seek to get personal needs met with clients or prospective clients.
   An ethical coach values being of service above all else, holds the coaching relationship sacred, and does not allow a personal agenda to interfere with doing so.
8. A Relationship Coach addresses their clients’ sabotaging attitudes and choices without making them wrong.
   We skillfully help our clients become aware of the connection between their attitudes (beliefs, interpretations, etc.), choices and consequences, and support them to make their own judgments and decisions about them in light of their Vision, Purpose, Requirements, Needs, and Goals.
9. A Relationship Coach is neutral about the outcome for pre-committed relationships, and an advocate for committed relationships.
   We value using the opportunity while single to make conscious long-term relationship choices, and believe in the power and necessity of commitment to make those choices work and be fulfilling.
10. A Relationship Coach “walks the talk” by continually addressing his or her own personal and relationship development, challenges, and goals.
    We know that we can only help our clients along paths that we have traveled ourselves, and no further, so we must continually strive to be conscious and intentional in our lives and relationships. This includes furthering our own learning and development by working with a coach or mentor, on-going training, and other means.